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Drive-Thru: Beckhams Move to L.A., Reality Show Ensues

Hey, manure makes your lawn grow, so why not Time magazine?

Since David Beckham is only receiving $250 million as an athlete, his wife Victoria is forced to do a reality TV show.

Tyra Banks is too fat for L.A. ad campaign.

Britney's post-partem depression is a no-brainer. Kevin Federline is the father.

Of course, Federline is giving up his demanding partying to care for his kids.

Katherine Heigl has left the Grey's Anatomy operating room?

TONIGHT - New Yorkers, check out the reading at Makor, Feb. 28th, with novelists including OAN's brilliant programmer Kevin Shay, reading from his book "The End as I Know It".



Music: Trans Am, Oneida, Pterodactyl at Knitting Factory
Oneida's Fat Bobby, left, with Trans Am's Philip Manley
Trans Am's Nathan Means
Photos: Damien Neva

Road trip! Our two teams that covered the Oscars are currently either seeking chiropractic care or driving around the western U.S. searching for wireless Internet signals. They're all sifting through thousands of photos, but we'll be back on the red carpet, er, momentarily. Meanwhile, our new music maven Damien Neva is back with a feature. ~ Ed.

New York, February 24, 2007 – The night before the Academy Awards and far, far away from the red carpet saw Bethesda, Maryland's Trans Am play to a packed Knitting Factory.   Without their drummer who fell ill the night before, Trans Am soldiered through two sets playing their futuristic music replete with synthesizers, vintage keyboards, and vocoders.  

The opening acts, Brooklyn's Pterodactyl and Oneida, however stole the show.  Bassist Zach Lehrhoff grimaced, screamed, and jumped his way through Pterodactyl's program of guitar feedback and distortion.   Oneida, joined on stage by Ex Models's Shahin Motia and Trans Am's Philip Manley, played a virtually uninterrupted forty-minute pulsing drone of drums, keyboards, and guitars.   Oneida's Fat Bobby sat transfixed at his keyboard as if he was feeding eight miles of red carpet through a sewing machine, which was nearly enough for the awards show the following night! - Damien Neva

OAN at the Oscars
Gwyneth Paltrow sends word to troops in Iraq
Clint Eastwood talks to Armed Forces Radio
Jodie Foster
Armed forces member collects stars' wishes for troops in Iraq
Marc Anthony gets a close up photo of his wife, Jennifer Lopez
Melissa Etheridge contemplates her naked Oscar
Marc Anthony returns the camera to the photojournalist

Los Angeles, February 25, 2007 – Many stars at the Academy Awards made a beeline to the Armed Forces Radio setup on the red carpet, happy to speak to our military troops, and also sign a book to be sent to a unit stationed in Iraq. Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce, Clint Eastwood, Kate Winslet, Mickey Rooney and Helen Mirren were just a few of those we saw speaking into their mocriophone and writing good wishes in the book; one of the pages in the photo at left bears the inscription: “Much love and thanks. Anne Hathaway.” However, when Jodie Foster was approached for an interview, she declined with a smirk, and then continued on her way toward the Kodak Theatre entrance.

Marc Anthony surprised everyone when he grabbed a photographer’s camera, and began to snap pictures of his wife, Jennifer Lopez, who was protesting and laughing at the same time. Then, Marc simply handed the camera back to the man, and he and J. Lo took off.

We noticed that some megawatt leading men chose not to walk the red carpet. George Clooney skipped it, and there was much conjecture that Tom Cruise wanted to avoid running into his exes Penelope Cruz and Nicole Kidman.

Backstage in the press room, best song winner Melissa Etheridge, an out lesbian, claimed that her Oscar statue was the only naked man she’d ever have in her bedroom. Helen Mirren was too reserved to kiss her statuette for photos, and said that she’d give it a big kiss once she got home, and she’ll get some little clothes to put on it.

Spirits Take Over Santa Monica Beach
Sean Penn & Robin Wright Penn
Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams
Sarah Silverman
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Ryan Gosling with mom Donna, left & sister Mandi, right
New James Bond Daniel Craig & Satsuki Mitchell

Los Angeles, February 24, 2007 – “Finally! An awards show without Jennifer Hudson”, one journalist cracked at Film Independent’s Spirit Awards on Saturday, the annual gala recognizing “indie” films and filmmakers. And it was true. Although there were plenty of household names in attendance – Sean Penn, Marcia Gay Harden, Anjelica Huston, Christina Ricci and even Faye Dunaway – these folks have been refreshingly missing from the ubiquitous awards season red carpets thus far.

Raunchy comedian Sarah Silverman hosted the Spirit Awards, and her guy, Jimmy Kimmel, insisted on wearing a suit, despite its location in a a tent on the beach in Santa Monica.

Cheers erupted from the camera pit when Daniel Craig removed his sunglasses, prompting him to comment, “Wow, it doesn’t take much to make you guys happy.” The new 007 was with his girlfriend, Satsuki Mitchell, but other celebs – America Ferrera, Channing Tatum and Neil Patrick Harris among them - declined to walk the carpet with their significant others, though they were there. Ryan Gosling had an excuse – Rachel McAdams was supposedly out of town on a set – so he brought along his mom and sister. Michelle Williams looked chic with a new, short hairdo; Heath Ledger sported his usual rumpled look.

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