Los Angeles, September 28, 2006 – The 1980s were back at the 2006 Macy’s Passport gala, but we don’t mean the clothes on the runway. Brooke Shields’ feathered hairdo and the presence of TV icon Jasmine Guy put us in mind of big shoulders and power suits. Sean “Diddy” Combs followed in the footsteps of his ex, Jennifer Lopez, as this year’s celebrity designer with a glitzy fashion show, complete with flaming backdrop. Sharon Stone did the auctioneer honors, and Elizabeth Taylor felt well enough to be there - the AIDS cause is close to her heart. Heatherette was part of the fashion lineup, and designers Richie Rich and Traver Rains even popped over to the Santa Monica airport for the event.

Los Angeles, September 26, 2006 – Celebrity makeup artist Joanna Schlip may show girls how to look great in her book, Glamour Gurlz, and help empower them through her j-gurlz Fund, but at the launch party, she showed us how to get ahead in Hollywood. There were only two car jockeys handling the valet parking at Schlip’s party at The Gershwin, which is located in a dicey part of L.A., and the line of waiting cars was growing. So the author herself dashed outside and wrested celebrities like Molly Sims, Hilary Duff and Hayden Panettiere out of their autos before they left in frustration.

We’d never met teen actress Brie Larson before, and forced ourselves not to ask why her parents named her after a cheese. Actress Q’Orianka Kilcher brought mom Saskia and brother Kainoa to the party.

New York, September 26, 2006 – Maybe it was the megawatt cast that brought the celebs to the premiere of The Departed, or maybe the Boston Irish mobsters who are the subject of the film “persuaded” high-profile folks to hit the Ziegfeld Theatre on Tuesday. It’s not for us to know, but Bono and The Edge, Billy Joel, Ron Wood, Lou Reed and Mira Sorvino were among those who traipsed the red carpet for Martin Scorsese’s crime drama, set in Beantown.

Rolling Stone Mick Jagger keeps it real, eschewing Botox and covering his wrinkles with mere sunglasses. The 63-year-old stepped out of his car, and popped on the shades before the flashbulbs lit up; when asked to remove them, the media savvy rock star first stepped back to a more flattering distance from the camera lenses, and only then showed us his famous face.

Mark Wahlberg had no entourage, and must still be in character from his football epic Invincible, because he sprinted down the red carpet and into the theater with nary a nod to us. Or maybe he just had to pee. Leonardo DiCaprio tried the same tactic, but his defense strategy clearly needs work, because packs of journalists kept surrounding him on the carpet. Or maybe he just needs a more aggressive publicist.

The usually reticent Martin Scorsese, on the other hand, was practically a chatterbox. Don’t tell Mayor Bloomberg, but Jack Nicholson was chain smoking. New parents Matt Damon and Luciana Barroso glowed. Jon Voight showed up unannounced, bizarrely promoting a young woman that he introduced as his goddaughter, Skyler Shaye.

Los Angeles, September 25, 2006 – We thought it would have been brilliant to get Vice President Dick Cheney to the premiere of Open Season, an animated flick in which forest animals fight back against hunters, but Sony Pictures didn’t agree. The distributors’ idea for an outdoor screening smack in the middle of a park at L.A.’s Greek Theatre sort of matched the theme, despite some logistical problems. The premiere party came before the film because Griffith Park, where the theater is located, must be cleared out by 10:30 P.M. Plus there was no parking available, so a horde of journalists had to be bussed in from 20 minutes away, and then wait for the return bus when they were finished.

Ashton Kutcher was less than cooperative at the premiere, but our sources say he’s doing minimal press for Open Season because it opens the same day as his feature The Guardian. So the weekend of September 29, audiences can choose between the furry animated Ashton or the drowning Ashton. Or not.

New York, September 25, 2006 – The Metropolitan Opera has been trying to reach out to a broader audience, and so the company simulcast the season’s opening night – Madama Butterfly directed by Oscar-winner Anthony Minghella – free-of-charge for crowds in both the Lincoln Center Plaza and in Times Square. But what better way to attract the public’s attention than with hot-and-cold running celebrities? Biggest coup of the evening – on again/off again lovers Jude Law and Sienna Miller brought her mother, Jo Miller. Is it getting serious? Sienna looked smashing, although we didn’t spot a ring on her finger. Also making opera glamorous were Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber, Sean Connery and wife Micheline, David Bowie and Iman, Meg Ryan and Liv Tyler.

The Metropolitan’s strategy seems to be bringing the philistines to the opera: when ballet great Mikhail Baryshnikov arrived, someone next to us squealed, “Isn’t that the guy from Sex and the City?”