New York, August 30, 2006 – If it’s not a good party until the police come, Pharrell Williams’ party with Absolut Ruby Red took top honors among Wednesday’s host of pre-VMA bashes. First, police forced organizers to close the doors at Chinatown Brasserie, or be closed down due to overcrowding. But of course, celebrities like Kanye West, Snoop Dogg, Kelly Rowland, rapper T.I. and Amerie got in. The place was packed. Paris and Nicky Hilton and their buddy Brandon Davis were holding court along one wall. We pointed this out to our favorite TMZ.com operative, who immediately set off in search of the firecrotch-breathing oil heir. “I want to welcome him to New York on behalf of TMZ”, he said. Meanwhile, someone was arrested; we don’t know the details, but cops told us it was for dealing drugs.

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz snuck into Timabaland’s party at Nikki Beach, and sequestered themselves in a VIP room. Justin was quite dapper in a suit and fedora, while Cameron inexplicably wore a tank top and track pants. The couple left around 1 A.M. Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were the center of attention at a Bryant Park Hotel party, and Stuff magazine and Amp’d Mobile took over Marquee, where Jermain Dupri, John Cho, Saigon and Topher Grace checked out the dancing girls.

Earlier in the evening, the BWI Urban Music Awards brought Mariah Carey, Ciara, Rihanna, Ne-Yo, Christina Milian and even Gayle King to Roseland.

New York, August 29, 2006 – How many people does it take to lace up Jessica Simpson’s roller skates? The singer’s extremely short mini dress may have made it impossible for her to bend over, but ensconced in a booth at the Roxy nightclub at her record release party on Tuesday, she had about half a dozen handlers surrounding her until she finally stood up and wobbled over to the roller rink.

Simpson really looked as if she couldn’t skate at first; she nearly fell many times on her initial rounds with hairdresser Ken Paves. Photographers’ flashbulbs seemed to really make her lose her balance. Once, when she almost fell while standing still on the skates, we clearly heard a laughing Simpson announce over the booming music, “I can’t skate on these skates! I’m used to a different kind of skates”. This was after she refused to do interviews because she’d lost her voice.

Eventually, the recent divorcee found her rhythm, and sailed smoothly around, and even danced a bit while her refrigerator-sized bodyguards were on foot, trying to keep up with her.

Jessica is paying attention to business. With music downloading growing at the expense of record store sales, the savvy singer got Yahoo! to host the celebration for her new recording, called A Public Affair. The roller skating party had an all-American theme, with cotton candy, popcorn and hotdogs. (We especially liked the open bar.)

Jess’ sister Ashlee never made it to the party; she was busy rehearsing for her upcoming role on the London stage in Chicago, her dad, Joe Simpson, said. Ashlee heads to the U.K. this Sunday, and her six-week run begins on September 22.

Joe told us that Jessica is “very disappointed” that her vocal problems are preventing her from singing. We, however, were more disappointed that Jessica’s maybe new boyfriend, John Mayer, did not show up to squire her around the roller rink.

New York, August 24-26, 2006 – New York was taken over by tennis pros this week as events leading up to the U.S. Open tournament swept the city. Maria Sharapova was in town early to plug some of her endorsement contracts – TAG Heuer wristwatches, Land Rover – while her supposed boyfriend on the down-low, Andy Roddick, participated in a children’s tennis clinic at Grand Central Station.

Uptown aspiring tennis players were thrilled when Serena Williams taught a clinic to members of the Harlem Junior Tennis Program. 54th and Lexington was the sexiest corner in Manhattan on Thursday when hotties Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal played a “Street Slam” exhibition match in front of Golfsmith Golf & Tennis store.

Ellen DeGeneres kept everyone laughing at Saturday’s Arthur Ashe Kids’ Day, the annual tennis and music festival featuring entertainment, games and, of course, tennis. Pros Andre Agassi and wife Steffi Graf, Serena Williams and James Blake were joined by entertainers including singing sensations Teddy Geiger, Cheyenne Kimball, Ne-Yo, the Cheetah Girls and actors Jason Biggs and Shannon Elizabeth. Andy Roddick and Maria Sharapova taught the kids a valuable lesson in discretion by staying studiously apart during the festivities.

During her Q&A session, Maria did say that it's difficult for her to have a boyfriend because she's always traveling.