New York, May 25, 2006 – Madame Tussauds unveiled a wax image of Britney Spears today. The dummy is so lifelike, complete with heaving breasts, that onlookers could hardly tell whether it’s the real Britney or the dummy. (Yes, the breasts actually move. Don't ask.)

So Britney, honey, this might be the perfect solution to your paparazzi problems. Just get a whole bunch of these wax dolls, and, you know, put them all around your back yard, send some out in cars to different locations, and the paparazzi will be stymied. They’ll never know if it’s you or a dummy.

xxox,
Your friends at Open All Night

P.S. You can have a dummy spend time with Kevin when he's getting on your nerves.

P.P.S. We're curious why you couldn't make it from the Ritz-Carlton Hotel to your car without a drink, or, you know, having one of your assistants hold the drink or putting a bottle of water inside your bag or something, or maybe just drinking the water and putting the glass down before you left the building. We're just asking.