Los Angeles, March 5, 2006 – We'd planned an Oscar blackout, and not only because Herbie: Fully Loaded was so unjustly overlooked by the Academy, but also because the big night was just so boring.

Media outlets by the acre (if that witch from Italy next to us on the red carpet jabbed us with her elbow any more, we’d qualify for disability benefits) and all anybody finds out is what the celebs are wearing! And even that was boring; the only weirdness being that tablecloth attached to Jennifer Lopez’s hips, and the fabric thing on Charlize Theron’s shoulder. Obviously, Hollywood’s stylists have all gone to rehab and are way too sober.

But the thing is, we got to the Kodak Theater at around noon, and stood on that red carpet for like, five hours, hoping to snag an interview with that cute little Herbie, who never materialized. And then we spent decades in the press room, enduring more of the same.

Just like at home, where the men watch the Super Bowl and the women watch the Academy Awards, husbands avoided the frilly Oscar red carpet. Later, at the Vanity Fair party at Morton’s, Sandra Bullock showed up with her notoriously press shy hubby, Jesse James, leaving Keanu Reeves dateless. Jennifer Aniston’s guy, Vince Vaughan showed up there, too.