New York, December 14, 2005 – Gosh, here we’ve been blaming President Bush for the lousy state of the economy, but it turns out it really was all Alan Greenspan’s fault. The Federal Reserve Chairman just received his degree from New York University on Wednesday. Now that Greenspan’s a college graduate, he’ll make mincemeat out of the ballooning federal deficit, low wage growth, hideous housing costs and slow job creation. Plus, Greenspan is about to step down from the Fed, and armed with a degree, he can always go for a MBA if he can’t find a new job.

And Europe, too, will be sailing on smooth economic waters because Gordon Brown, England’s Chancellor of the Exchequer, also received a degree from NYU.

The question on everyone’s mind, of course, was whether it was Outback Steakhouse or Red Lobster for the graduation lunch.