New York, April 30 – [Ed. – We sent our 16-year-old cousin Alexis to report on the House of Wax premiere.]

Like, OMG, I was at Stuyvesant High School, and was totally going to ask Chad Michael Murray to be my prom date, when, like, this totally random chick named Sophia came by and said, “Sorry, he’s mine, we got married a few weeks ago.” I, like, totally didn’t believe her, but then she was flashing a ring around, and saying, like, that they lived together for a year before the wedding. I wanted to run out and cry, because I only offered to do this so I could ask Chad out. I was so depressed that I was, like, thrilled to see Paris Hilton die, even though I totally idolize her. She looked awesome in a vintage dress, way too dressy for a high school, but since this was the first time she was in one, she probably didn’t know what to wear.

On Monday, at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, Chad still hadn’t realized he was in love with me, even though he’d had, like, 36 hours to come to his senses. But I was totally excited that my idol, Paris, would be encased in wax at the museum, so that tourists can see her wax image, like, forever, because she’s awesome.
xxxooo, Lex

[Ed. – See Paris die starting Friday, May 6.]