October 18-22 –What with global warming and all, we thought it was one of those Santa Ana winds, but all the hot air blowing in New Jersey and Pennsylvania this week was from politicians. And we were especially disappointed that with everybody talking non-stop, no one addressed the most critical issue of the campaign: Where is Ben Affleck? Is he coming back to join John Kerry on the campaign trail? And will he bring Jennifer Garner along? And will Kerry’s daughters Alexandra and Vanessa be jealous? Really, do these politicians think we’re too stupid to see that talking about things like jobs and Iraq is just a ploy to distract us from the truly important stuff?

President Bush has lots of plans. He addressed the flu vaccine crisis in the U.S., noting that if you are healthy like him, you don’t need to get a flu shot. Another of Bush’s healthcare initiatives is to improve accuracy by putting medical records on computers, to avoid errors due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting. “Doctors don’t write very well anyway. They write about as well as I speak Engish”. Unfortunately, time ran out before the President could detail his plans for those voters who cannot afford doctors. On a personal level, W. joked that the 2004 campaign took the place of the camping trip he’d always promised his kids.

Kerry also has plans, but no Ben. We even found First Lady Laura Bush, a former teacher, laughing off Teresa Heinz Kerry’s comment that she’d never held a job. But she didn’t answer the question of why anyone would want the job of president.