June 14-20 – Our aunt Zelda was kvelling when we told her that Madonna was transforming herself into a regular Yiddishe mama, what with changing her name to Esther, refusing to work on Shabbat and nagging her kids to clean up after themselves. So we invited Zelda to tag along with us to Madison Square Garden for a peek at Madge’s Re-Invention tour. Aunt Zelda’s (truncated) review follows:

Why did she marry that film director? It’s not steady work. If she had married a nice neurosurgeon, she wouldn’t have to be doing aerobics in her underwear onstage at 45. She could be home in Scarsdale cooking a nice brisket. I wonder what she paid for those Gaultier and Lacroix outfits. They’re way too tight, but I saw them at Loehmann’s for half price. And that bracelet looks like red string. What, she doesn't want a tennis bracelet? And what kind of Jewish kids are named Rocco and Lourdes? Who’s going to go to a doctor named Rocco? Oh, she’s singing about holidays! She would love Boca.

Thanks aunt Zelda! Imagine the bris if Guy Ritchie has a circumcision.

Back to our regular programming: The bearded dude checking out Beatles records during Franz Ferdinand’s Virgin Megastore concert was Sean Lennon. Apparently, Carson Kressley’s personalized underwear is one of the 137 things we’ll love this summer, because he flashed them at Entertainment Weekly’s “Must List” party at Crobar. Will he force his Queer Eye victims to wear these?

Bra cups were spilling over at Women in Film's Crystal and Lucy Awards in L.A., where new mothers Debra Messing and Gwyneth Paltrow compared notes. The usually svelte Messing still has post-partum apple cheeks. Oops, no offense, Gwyneth. However, aunt Zelda could tell you a thing or two about that name you chose for your daughter.

With Jen Lowery in Los Angeles