January 13-14 – Along with singer, actress and dingbat, Jessica Simpson can add the title scientist to her resume. Her line of fragrances and body care products, called “Dessert”, hits stores in April, so pay down your credit cards. Dessert is a timesaving scientific breakthrough: It’s edible, so the busy woman can feed her lover and have sex all at once, thereby doing away with those awkward silences at the dinner table, and making that relationship with the bimbo/himbo in your life much longer lived. Just ask Simpson's husband, Nick Lachey. At a press conference to announce the new line, Simpson volunteered that she’s tried all the flavors, but clammed up when asked where she’d tasted them. “From the bottle”, she said simply. The tag line: “First you wear it. Then you share it”. Lachey demonstrated by licking her hand. Blech.

We’d settled our stomachs enough by that evening to check out Teen People’s What’s Next party at the cavernous new club Crobar, where Q-Tip, 3LW and Lindsay Lohan mixed with the younger soon-to-be household names of music, film and TV.

There was no soul food to be found at Bill Clinton’s Harlem offices when he announced an agreement with manufacturers to make HIV/AIDS drugs available at lower prices. AIDS is a major focus of his presidential foundation. The newly slimmed down ex-prez told us he started with the Atkins diet but then switched to the South Beach diet, works out four days a week with a German trainer, and feels great. A downside to the diet plan: no beer allowed. Jessica Simpson is currently in the lab conducting tests to see whether edible body lotions are allowed in these low-carb diets.